GM REPLY TO BILL GATES

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics :
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would ! run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously l ifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. "

EXTREMELY FUNNY ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES

10
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.


9
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub,and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.


8
This is not an answering machine - th is is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

7
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.


5
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.


4
Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a"sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3
. Hi. Now YOU say something.
2
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.

1
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

MY FAIR LADY

I dont know why I just adore Audrey Hepburn but then I just do......


She was a perennial beauty lets look at her image at age 59

very funny

Once upon a time. There was just one cinema theatre in the Village.The village people, though backward were very patriotic. Infact as a Cinema screen, the owner of the theatre, hadinstalled a khaadi dhoti.The villagers were very happy with the idea of a KhaadiDhoti screen. They decided to dedicate the theatre toMahatma Gandhiji, and named the theatre:
" GANDHI KEE DHOTI"Some of the Up coming films/attractions at "GANDHI KEEDHOTI" cinema hall, as advertised in the Local Newspaper were:
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein ' KACHHE DHAGE'.
Gandhi keeDhoti mein 'HUL-CHUL'.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Daraar '.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Chuppa Rustom'Gandhi kee Dhotimein 'Aandhi'.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Garam Hawaa'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Kuchh Kuchh hota hai'.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Josh'.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Mere Do Anmol Ratan' .
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Judwaa '.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Tera Jadoo Chal Gaaya'.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'HeraPheri'.
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein ' Kaante '
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Kucch to hai'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Qurbani'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Woh kaun thi'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Kal Ho Na Ho'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Waisa Bhi Hota Hai'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Chameli'
Gandhi keeDhoti mein 'Gangaajal'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Pyaasi Jawani'
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein 'Ab Tak 56'........

too...good

Newton's 4th law : Every soul in this world has a pole or hole.
When pole goes inside the hole a new sole comes out either with
a pole or hole.
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What is the difference between Monica Lewinski and Monica Seles?
Though both are good with balls but Seles is a tennis player and
Lewinski is a penis player.
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A man to his wife "Let me take photo of ur breasts, so I can see
them whole day.
Wife replies "Let me take a photo of ur penis, at least I can
enlarge the copy".
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What is rape?
Rape is sexual operation without co-operation where there is
insertion of an erection into a depression without permission.
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Behind every successful woman, there is a satisfied man. but
behind a satisfied woman, there is an exhausted man.
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Sex is like a restaurant. Someties u get full satisfactory service,
and sometimes you have to be satisfied with "self-service".
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A mobile is like a woman.... talks non-stop, costs a fortune,
disturbs you when u r busy, and when you need them urgently,
they have no service.
********************************************
A newly wedded sardar asks his mom" How should i do it?" MOM says
"Put ur hardest thing where she pisses." sardar puts his head in the toilet.
********************************************
A man breaks an egg to make an omlet. He finds the egg empty he got
frustrated and said. " iski maaki aaj-kal murge bhi condom use kar te hai...."
********************************************
Difference between panties of 1970 and 2000 1970 : u have to pull
down the panties to see the buttocks. 2000: u have to separate buttocks to
see the pantie...
***********************************************
A board in the entrance of a jungle safari reads " ALL the girls
are requested to ensure that their bra's are strapped tight" why?
kyon ki "cheetah bhi peeta hai"
***********************************************
In america, a vote was done on how many women wanted to sleep with
BILL CLINTON
> > > > > > 1% said YES,
> > > > > > 2% said NO,
> > > > > > 97% said NOT AGAIN

dont know why

dont know why..................................
wish i knew........a lot of things...............
but then again it seems like ..... it seems like i lack the drive to know more.
it would have been easier if i knew everything without having to take the pain........hmmm wishful thinking.................

Extremely Hilarious..
There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life" and the final three incidents are ....
Third Place
"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give
her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the
stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled "SURPRISE!". My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my
friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment ! for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again."
Second Place (a lady)
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold
of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would be
punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee(dick) last night!". The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing ! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter."
And the Winner Is.....
This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male
semen, as in sugar?" "That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked,
"Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she
realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, and
never returned. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't
taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

came accross some real fine adult jokes :
1.. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory.I am not able to remember, what did I choose? _____2.. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. _____3.. My wife is a s*x object. Every time I ask for s*x, she objects. _____4.. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings". _____5.. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men-'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together == 'don't stop'! _____6.. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing onearth. _____7.. There ar e three stages to s*x in a person's life:Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. _____8.. Having s*x is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,you'd better have a good hand. _____9.. Q : What's an Australian kiss?A : The same thing as a French kiss, only down under _____10.. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing. _____11.. Q : What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? (The bestone)A : Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!12.. Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.Johnny: Her mouth said no, but "her ass meant" y es. _____13.. Q : What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?A : A wh*re sleeps with everyone at the party and a b*tch sleeps witheveryone except you. _____14.. Q : Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?A : Br*asts don't have eyes....... _____15.. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed",many men still sleep with their wives!

ok .... i named it sobecause... it was the first name that came to my mind................